I’m in Starbucks and up to my nostrils in latte froth. I’ve signed up for the Danville-based 28 Days to Health Weight Loss and Performance Cleanse, and Brandi Geiger, the program’s bubbly detox leader, is sitting across from me, sipping herbal tea and telling me what my life will taste like for the next month. “No gluten, no dairy, no caffeine, no soy, no sugar, no processed foods, and no alcohol,” says Geiger. “They’re inflammatory foods. Our bodies don’t have the enzymes to break them down and absorb the proteins ... So, are you excited?”
I’m not so much excited as horrified. I like the idea of cleansing my body, but frankly, what am I going to eat for the next four weeks? To appreciate the real scope of cruelty here, it should be noted that I love a buttery croissant for breakfast, I have a penchant for thickly grated parmesan, I drink too much red wine, and I harbor a fondness for Lunardi’s cheesecake. This is going to be the mother of all diets. “It’s not a diet,” says Geiger, who has a master’s degree in exercise science and a background in nutrition. “It’s a lifestyle change. The purpose of this program is not to starve you. You learn about nutrition, the pH of foods, the glycemic index, and how different foods affect your body. It’s about empowering people to take control of their health.”
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