My lunch this past Friday was a strange, blue-grey liquid that had the consistency of watered-down prison gruel. If I had to give it a name, I would have called it the Bruised Puke.
Why was I subjecting myself to this so-called banana-blueberry “smoothie?” Like a lot of people, I decided to start the new year off by detoxifying, but not with the ridiculous Master Cleanse – where water is pretty much all you consume – or some bizarro, ultra-organic Goop diet prescribed by the ever-perfect and equally condescending Gwyneth Paltrow.
I went for a more accessible option: Dr. Oz’s 48-hour weekend cleanse. A few things attracted me to this cleanse: 1) It had solid food. I’m not a fan of juice on the best of days. 2) It was only 48 hours. Being hungry makes me cranky and for my friends’ and family’s sake, I wanted to minimize their exposure to a monster Maddie. 3) Oprah did it.
Despite these bonuses, however, the cleanse had one major drawback: It lacked protein.
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